TiKTok Teens Try Troubling Trend - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson

X may mark the spot but, for some troubled teens on TikTok, ticks are marking the licks. The Chaff has been following a twisted new trend and we know that you’re not going to like it: tick licking.

 

Climate change is changing the climate and that changed climate is bringing changes that are changing the climate. Some of those changes are great, like year-round ice cream opportunities, more chances to oppose carbon pricing without offering viable alternatives, near-constant “Slip ‘N Slide” festivals and countless “Crocodile Mile” coffee klatches. While these things are totally awesome and worth the price of planetary destruction, complete ecosystem collapse and the extinction of human life on Earth, there are some other changes that (sorry for the swear) stink! 

 

Probably the worst (sorry to repeat the swear) stink of them all is that they (the elites, the globalists, the extra-terrestrials, the nanny statesmen, The Nanny’s Fran Drescher, etc.) climate-changed the way we say climate change in the first place. When The Chaff was growing up, they (the good old boys drinking whiskey and rye, Beavis and Butthead, Striptease-era Burt Reynolds, etc.) used to call it “global warming”. Those were, as they say, the old days that were good, when during a bitter and frigid wintertime you could say, “I thought it was supposed to be ‘global warming’ but it feels pretty cold to me,” and everyone would laugh so hard, and we’d all forget our troubles for just one minute. But then they (the dictionary devils, the word burglars, the meaning meanies, etc.) had to stick their filthy fingers into our pristine pies and muck them, and us, up forevermore. That definitely tops the (sorry for the list-based swear) stink list!

 

A distant number two on that (again, sorry) stink list is that local conditions are now more conducive for ticks to thrive.
When The Chaff was a youngster, we’d drink our lemonade with a slice of lime for added zest with a satisfying, citrusy zing. Nowadays, if you can even afford a glass of lemonade (thanks Trudeau), it comes with a slice of Lyme disease. You used to be able to eat a full plate of raw tall grass without thinking twice but now you have to check your plates for ticks and always cook your grass to make sure it’s safe to eat. We here at The Chaff don’t know what communism is, but this is clearly communism.
Teens are well-known for their ability to make sound decisions. The human brain reaches its peak, in both form and function, around puberty before it begins to rapidly deteriorate at age 25, leaving most adults legally brain dead by age 40. However, this new tick-licking trend is calling into question just how supple and superior those teen brains really are.

 

If you haven’t Tik’d and/or Tok’d recently, this is what’s happening: teens are intentionally allowing themselves to be bit by ticks so that other teens, using their teenage tongues, can lick the little arachnids from the tips of their mouthparts to the bottoms of their four sets of legs.

 

This disturbing new trend has teens competing to see who can get the most ticks and, more importantly, who can lick them the longest. The Chaff has observed videos of these bizarre and bewildering challenges in which teens proudly display their tick-covered arms, legs and sometimes even faces. They lean in close, stick out their “mouth motors”, and commence the licking, all while their friends cheer them on and capture every moment on their phones.

 

It’s a perplexing and perilous phenomenon that raises serious questions about the state of today’s youth and their increasingly reckless behaviour. One can only speculate about the long-term consequences of such a trend - both for the health of the teens involved and for society at large. Is this simply a phase, a fleeting fad that will disappear as quickly as it emerged? Or are we witnessing the beginning of a more disturbing cultural shift - a world in which dangerous and self-destructive behaviour becomes the norm?

 

While it’s easy to dismiss this as nothing more than a baffling teenage phase, it’s important to remember that the consequences of tick licking can be severe. The Chaff urges parents, educators, health professionals and even random creeps on the street to take this trend seriously and to educate teens about the dangers of ticks and the importance of avoiding such risky behaviour.
While the climate may be changing, and our language with it, there are some changes that should give us pause. The rise of tick licking is a troubling sign of the times, a reminder that not all trends are worth following and that sometimes, it’s better to err on the side of caution. So, to all the teens out there on TikTok, we say: put down the ticks, stop the licking and find a safer way to get your jollies. The future of humanity - and your health - depends on it.

 

Check out next week’s Chaff to learn more about “slug hugging”.