Leap Day is only the beginning - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson
I, The Chaff! You, The Chaff! We all, The Chaff! The Chaff, The Chaff! Welcome wizards, weirdos, wallflowers, well-wishers, whale watchers, weasel teasers, Waldo seekers, wanderers, ponderers, squanderers and conjurors. Are we gonna do this thing? Yabba-doo!
As we all know, yesterday, February 29, was Leap Day - the magical time that comes once every four years when we desperately seek to correct our calendars’ misalignment and submissively bend to the universe’s mysterious will. It’s a wild and wonderful day; everybody loves it!
But, of course, following every Leap Day there comes a confusing, confounding and critically close to incomprehensible calendar correction called Chaff Month. That’s right, every four years, March is set aside to wallow in a stale waiting room where the only available distraction/entertainment is an old copy of Monthly Month Monthly magazine. Ironically, the cover story of that particular issue is a feature on, you guessed it, Chaff Month.
Chaff Month comes, as we all know, from the Chafflorian calendar which is derived from the ancient, possibly alien, Hydruian calendar. Recently discovered cave art depictions indicate Hydruians celebrate a tyrannical deity known as Rorschach, or Buggley Chugs, or Woodruff - it’s not exactly clear. What is known is that these cave drawing depictions of Rorschach are stunningly beautiful, very, very cool and absolutely terrifying; Buggley Chugs is obviously a time-traveling, cosmic warrior and eternal genius; and Woodruff is an excellent, very serious Hollywood-type actor and pretty much better than just about everyone else, at everything. That’s recorded history and indisputable fact. Disagree? Then hire a lawyer and sue the past!
The first thing that you need to know about Chaff Month is that the days go backwards. There are always 31 days in Chaff Month but the day after Feb. 29 is March 31, then it’s the 30th, 29th, 28th, etc. (Our deepest and most sincere apologies, dear readers, for the misprint at the top of the page on this publication. Chaff Month seems to have really snuck up on editor Shawn Loughlin. Surely next week he will remember that it is the March 24 issue. Our apologies, once again, for any inconveniences caused by Loughlin’s inexcusable confusion and, let’s face it, complete incompetence.)
Additionally, Chaff Month offers a unique opportunity for reflection and introspection. As we navigate its unconventional structure, we’re prompted to question our assumptions about time and its measurement. This introspective journey can lead to valuable insights about our relationship with time and how we organize our lives around it. In a world characterized by constant busyness and haste, Chaff Month encourages us to pause, contemplate and perhaps even recalibrate our priorities.
The quadrennial cycle presents a ripe opportunity for community engagement and fostering social connections. Acknowledging the collective journey through this singular calendar anomaly, communities have the chance to orchestrate a plethora of events, gatherings and activities. Whether it’s vibrant Chaff Month festivals pulsating with art, music and culture, or concerted efforts in community service projects aimed at nurturing solidarity and empathy, the avenues for meaningful engagement are boundless. By nurturing a profound sense of belonging and camaraderie, Chaff Month holds the promise of fortifying the ties that bind us together as individuals and communities, enriching our shared human experience.
Within the framework of Chaff Month lies a golden opportunity to amplify awareness about environmental concerns and champion sustainable practices. As we contemplate our connection to time and the intricate tapestry of the natural world, we’re prompted to recognize the profound interdependence among all living beings. Chaff Month beckons as a pivotal period for environmental enlightenment, in which educational endeavours, conservation projects and the embrace of eco-friendly lifestyles take centre stage. Chaff Month ignites a collective commitment to serve as custodians of our planet. By embracing a holistic perspective on time and sustainability, we pave the way toward a future characterized by harmony and heightened environmental consciousness.
Chaff Month is all about cultural exchange and global empathy. Embracing Hydruian heritage, we immerse ourselves in cross-cultural dialogues, art exhibits, culinary delights and storytelling escapades. Through mutual respect and appreciation, Chaff Month bridges cultural chasms, fostering a more inclusive society. These ideals are woven into Chaff Month’s fabric, transforming it from a mere calendar tweak into a catalyst for transformation. Embrace Chaff Month to unleash creativity, forge connections, safeguard our planet and revel in diversity.
Happy Chaff Month everybody!