Holidays 2024: The holidays aren't joyous for all and The Haven is here to help
BY SCOTT STEPHENSON
As her first year running The Haven in Brussels draws to a close, there are only two things that Leesa Stephenson wants for Christmas. But the gifts she’s hoping for can’t be found in Santa’s sack, and they won’t fit under any tree.
First, she wants her unique harm reduction centre on Turnberry Street to be of service to anybody who needs it this holiday season. “My Christmas wish is that as many people who need to can walk in here at Christmas time and find a place where they feel welcome, and that being here matters,” she explained.
While The Haven offers its services to the community year-round, Stephenson has seen that many people need additional support during the holidays. “Christmas is an incredible time of year. It’s the season of giving, it’s the season of family. It is also the season of loss. A lot of people have lost loved ones, through age or accidents. It’s also a very high-risk season. People tend to enjoy themselves and relax, which is great! But drinking, over-drinking, and taking unnecessary, big risks around this time of year is also very common… Christmas can be a knife in people’s hearts. Suicides go way up at Christmas time, because it’s great and wonderful if you have a family, and it’s just a horrible reminder if you don’t. Not everybody can cope with that. I liken it to Valentine’s Day - it’s wonderful if you’re in a relationship. If you aren’t, it can just feel like a reminder of how unloveable you are.”
Whether it’s Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or just any old day, Stephenson wants her spot to be a place where people can come to be together. “What I’m trying to do here at The Haven is create a family, create a community. I very much believe that family can also be the family you create - it doesn’t have to be biological… I have learned that a sense of belonging is the most important thing in any person’s life,” she offered.
The second thing on Stephenson’s wishlist is the chance to keep on offering a place for locals to feel safe and supported. “My Christmas wish is that The Haven still exists next year,” she said. When it comes to most subjects, Stephenson is an open book. Any topic that most people tend to shy away from, she steers straight towards. Death, mental health, her own personal experiences with substance use, hoarding, OCD, and being a queer person in rural Ontario. But there is one topic she doesn’t like to bring up, and it’s the one she most needs to talk about right now: money. “I hate talking about money,” she admitted. “You need it to survive, but it really is the least worthy thing in the world. It’s just a necessary evil, in my opinion. The people who walk through the door are far more important. Their well-being, and their mental health, is far more important.”
Of course, for people to walk through the door of The Haven, there needs to be a door to walk through. “Up to this point, through November, I had somebody who topped off whatever I could come up with, because I’ve been paying to stay open out of my own pocket. And I can’t do that anymore. So, donations are always welcome… I am more than happy to put money towards The Haven. I just need help to lower that cost, which is about $1,000. If 10 people gave $50 every month, I would dance a jig. That’s half the rent, right there. That is such a huge help. If people couldn’t afford $50, how about 20 people, 20 bucks each?”
Money may be tight right now, but Stephenson is going to do everything she can to keep The Haven where it is. Not only does she have an awesome landlord, the location has everything she needs to succeed. “I would like it to stay in this spot,” she said. “This is ideal. It’s a standalone building, it’s kind of tucked-in, and my rent is very reasonable. It’s just too much for one person to carry.”
She also wants to put people at ease with a space that’s more comfy than clinical. “I’ve tried to make this look like a living room - a cool living room where you can just come and sit and hang out. I try to encourage people to just be honest with each other, and be okay with each other. And share some of the Christmas memories that they don’t have a place to share elsewhere.”
This holiday season, Stephenson wants people to know that they can come in to talk about whatever might be on their mind. “If you’re missing your husband who passed away a couple of years ago and Christmas is really hard, you could come and talk about that. You can share the good times too. Tell me what you really miss. What was he like? What were the good times? I find that, in a safe environment, it helps relieve some of the pain.”
She understands why it can be hard to open up. “As a society, we don’t want to talk about grief and pain. Some people never talk about the people they’ve lost. Or that their kids aren’t talking to them this Christmas. Nobody wants to talk about those things because they’re afraid of making it worse. In reality, not talking about it often makes it worse, not better. People want to talk about those good memories. That’s kind of what I’m aiming for this Christmas.”
Stephenson likes to joke that she didn’t just get her training from the University of Waterloo - she also has a degree from the “School of Hard Knocks”. But when it comes to her style of one-on-one support, Stephenson thinks that what she knows isn’t the important part. “I don’t really need to be an expert. The person who’s meeting with me is the expert - the expert on their own life, I’m simply there to support and guide them. I’m just there as a resource... It’s a different approach to what we usually think of when we think of counseling.”
The Haven does offer counseling and holds workshops, but sometimes just showing up to the space can benefit visitors. “It’s sitting and being in a community where you’re accepted.” Her doors have been open for under a year, but Stephenson has already seen some people not only making real progress, but being of service to their community while they’re at it. One regular began to chat more and more about an issue that she has in common with Stephenson - compulsive hoarding. She eventually made the choice to clear out her overflowing closet and donate the extra clothing to a one-man’s-treasure sale to raise money for The Haven.
Another regular has been coming in since the very beginning, hoping that spending some time around other people might help with his extreme social anxiety. Stephenson has been consistently impressed with his efforts. “The progress he has made in his own life, and how he interacts with people is mind-boggling,” she said. He’s gone from not knowing if he would even be able to stay in the room to spending an entire evening lending an ear to another visitor who needed to talk.
Momentum has been building slowly and steadily since The Haven opened. “It’s a small town. It takes people a long time to build up the courage to walk through the door,” she explained. In addition to workshops, card games, and offering traditional harm reduction supplies like vitamins, condoms and Naloxone, The Haven has also held a very successful joint car wash with the Tanner Steffler Foundation, and, last week, Stephenson worked on her own hoarding issues by clearing out some of her bookshelves for The Haven’s first Christmas book sale.
She’s also working to build connections with businesses and other community groups. Stephenson feels that creating a local support network is more important now than ever. “People are struggling, a lot, with things like basic food. The Huron Mobile Food Truck is amazing. That comes very handy.” The 5-Rs Thrift Store has years of experience serving the people of Brussels, and they’ve been very supportive of The Haven’s fledgling efforts at making an impact.
Once she’s figured out her holiday hours, Stephenson will be posting them on the door and on the Brussels Bulletin Board Facebook page. The one day she knows they won’t be open is on Christmas Day, because there’s already another great event going on that day - the nearby Mennonite Church is inviting one and all to come to enjoy a free Christmas dinner. “I really appreciate what they do. It’s a community thing that’s for everybody, and a lot of people come. It’s awesome!”
Stephenson and her advisory board have considered formally becoming a non-profit organization (NPO), but at this point, it just doesn’t make sense for The Haven. While it’s true that becoming an NPO would bring in a little bit of help from the government, it would also come with more costs and complications. So, for now, The Haven will remain an independent entity run by the community, for the community. “I very much believe that The Haven is a community thing. It’s not a me thing. I’m the person who, hopefully, pays the bills, but it belongs to everybody who’s here… I try hard to just be one person among many. I’ve learned as much, if not more, from the people who come in here, rather than the other way around.”
The Haven already has two workshops planned for January. The first one is “Discover Your Inner Creativity”. It’s a hands-on art class that will run on Wednesday nights, from Jan. 15 to Feb. 26. The class will explore different techniques and costs $150, which includes all canvases and art supplies. There’s a four-student maximum, and the registration deadline is Jan. 10, so you’ll have to act fast if you want to snag a spot for yourself or to give as a gift to somebody special.
Then, on Jan. 27, The Haven is hosting a free workshop on conflict de-escalation. It’s geared at anybody who’s ever found themselves in a situation where things suddenly go from a small disagreement to much worse, and will provide an introduction to some techniques intended to prevent or diffuse potentially harmful happenings.
Even if you don’t like Christmas at all, you can still stop by The Haven this holiday season - Stephenson tries to curate an environment that can accommodate everybody. Not into the constant Christmas music? Then you can choose the next CD. “Here, everybody is equal,” Stephenson explained. “We’ll give up our Christmas music for you, but you have to kind of put up with our Christmas jolliness while we decorate!”
Stephenson loves listening to Christmas music, she loves how her regulars have decked The Haven’s halls this holiday season, and she loves the lights on the little fibre optic Christmas tree she’s been plugging in every December for decades. But she knows that the true meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with decorations. “I tend to be a very spiritual person, not necessarily religious, but spiritual,” she said. “I don’t fit in any boxes, but I believe I’m alive because I have had help from - The Divine, God, whatever you wanna call it. The meaning of Christmas is grace and forgiveness and acceptance. That is what Christmas is.”