Chaffmas miracle or drop-cap magic? - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson

Abracadabra, just like that, The Chaff is back! Beaver Chaff has receded like a moonlit tide, and Werewolf Chaff feels like the distant howl of a wolven dreamer’s dreamly and unseemly dream of a werewolf-centric newspaper column. But today, dear readers, we are gloriously ourselves again: restored, renewed and resplendent as The Chaff. And no, contrary to what those cold moon conspiracy theorists are already whispering, the transformation back had nothing to do with lunar cycles or anything of that ilk.

 

It all came down to drop caps.

 

For those of you not steeped in the arcane art of typography, a drop cap is the large, decorative first letter at the start of an article or paragraph, like the stately “A” at the beginning of this very piece. Traditionally, drop caps are ornamental, sometimes unnecessarily so, but here at The Chaff, they are sacred. This year, we challenged ourselves to use drop caps that followed the alphabet from A to Z, and then reversed direction, Tenet-style, back to A.

 

Now, you might think, “Surely there’s no connection between a gimmicky alphabet game and The Chaff’s shapeshifting tendencies this year.” But let us assure you, there is. The moment we typed that final “A,” something clicked, or perhaps unclicked. A ripple of energy, like the sound of a thousand rotary presses springing to life, swept through The Chaff’s newsroom. Coffee mugs trembled. The faint scent of ink and hot metal filled the air. And then, with a metaphysical ding, The Chaff returned to its true form.

 

Of course, some will argue that our transformation had more to do with the waxing and waning of moons or a budget surplus spent on occult consultants. But we are firm in our belief that the drop-cap sequence, alphabetized and then reversed, created a harmonious balance in the universe that allowed The Chaff to be itself again.

 

Now, with that pressing matter settled, we can all relax and enjoy this incredible column. Let’s turn our attention to a magnificent and momentous occasion: Chaffmas.

 

Chaffmas, as you surely know, is the holiest day in our editorial calendar, marking the anniversary of The Chaff’s first-ever issue. On this day, we don’t just celebrate the birth of our humble publication, but the enduring spirit of community, chaos and commentary it represents. The Chaff’s inaugural issue, as legend has it, was written entirely by candlelight in a moldy attic, fuelled by a combination of determination, more determination, and some extra determination we had loose in our pockets, just jiggling around.

 

From these humble beginnings grew a tradition that persists to this day. Whether you honour Chaffmas by reading your favourite columns aloud to your houseplants and pets, composing odes to the most baffling of choices, or simply lighting a candle in the shape of the letter “C,” we wish you joy in your celebrations. The Chaff’s crack team, for its part, will be engaging in its own sacred rituals, including an annual reading of the first issue, a competitive game of “Drop Caps: Monopoly Edition,” and 
the ceremonial cutting of the Chaffmas Cake - a confection that, if tradition holds, will be equal parts delicious and dangerous.

 

And while Chaffmas is a time for reflection and festivity, let us not forget our closest evolutionary relatives: the monkeys. To them, we extend our warmest wishes for a merry Monkey Christmas, a day for bananas, branch-swinging, and general simian mirth. May their joy remind us all to embrace a bit of mischief in the season.

 

This year’s Monkey Christmas message comes with an important note of solidarity. Monkeys, like us, are grappling with challenges we can only imagine: dwindling forests, increasing temperatures and an alarming rise in social-media influencers calling themselves “monkey whisperers.” This Chaffmas/Monkey Christmas, let us dedicate ourselves to protecting the natural habitats of our primate friends so they can enjoy their banana feasts in peace.

 

And so, as the year draws to a close and our drop-cap odyssey reaches its symmetrical conclusion, we thank you for joining us on this alphabetic adventure. The Chaff wouldn’t be The Chaff without you, dear readers. Over the course of 51 entries this year, from our audacious January “A” to this final December “A,” we’ve been on a journey together - a journey of letters, moons, and a whole lot of non-descript miscellany.

 

May your Chaffmas be happy, your Monkey Christmas be merry, and your Huron County hearts be filled with wonder and typographic tidings. Here’s to another year of words and the occasional decorative letter. Let us raise a glass of ink to the drop caps yet to come.

 

Happy Chaffmas to all, and to all, a Chaff night.